Ang puso ay napapagod pero hindi nagsasawa.

I believe that to be so true.

Especially for Filipinos, in general. Not for all, necessarily, but in general.

We also seem to be a nation of hopeless romantics (and I mean that in a good way). We like to believe in fairytale endings, and that even in the worst of situations, good can still prevail over evil. Those who you'd think could never, ever possibly be together, can still be together in the end. Kasi daw mahal nila ang isa't isa.

But is it really enough?

I think it is a Filipino trait to be loving.

It is in our culture, our values. Maka-diyos, maka-pamilya, maka-tao.

Sometimes I get frustrated because hindi talaga ako nagsasawa. Even if I feel like I'm getting so sick and tired of the same issues over and over again, hindi parin ako nagsasawa. My relationships (past) have taught me the value of patience (and at times, really pushed my limits). I guess that helped mould me into the person that I am today.

Again, my question is... is it really enough? To just love someone? As in mahal na mahal ha.

I'm thinking "no". It's not enough.

It's not enough if you want to be together for a long time coming. It's enough to last a couple of months, maybe a year, two years, three, or more... but it won't be permanent.

This past year has shown me how important it is for two people in a relationship to have the same set of moral values and beliefs. It will always count. Without that, you'll have nothing to bind you together. Simply because you just don't believe in the same things. How do you raise a family that way? Does a mother teach her child different values to that of the father? It's not even logical and it won't work. The two people in a relationship need to be able to see eye-to-eye. And when you don't see eye-to-eye anymore, trouble brews. You need to be open-minded and you need to understand that your partner is not your carbon copy. He or she, more than often, doesn't think like you do. That's why men are called men, and women are called women. Because they're different. But if you can understand that, accept that and compromise... then you'll always see the rainbow after the rain.

Mapapagod ka, pero di ka magsasawa. : )

SFC Christmas Party 2009

QAF Oilfields - BSP Photo Shoot!

What About Now?

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the stars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Mahal kita hindi dahil yun ang tama kundi dahil yun ang totoo.

It is so hard.

Sometimes I think I'm okay, other times I'm really not.

Why? ;(

"Now I'm sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee."

I want to believe everything you've ever told me. Other times, I can't even bear to think of anything at all. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm drowning in sadness or crying in anger.
"Living on the edge out of control
and the world just won't let me slow down.
But in my biggest picture, was a photo of you and me."

... I miss you.

Reasons.

I have a love-hate relationship with reasoning.

Particularly because it's either I feel better after I've reasoned things out in my head OR I can't do something because there are reasons. Hence, love and hate.

Uhhh. Double uhhh...

In a recent letter from my uncle, he wrote:

How are you Chinky? Good work... good boyfriend? Hope so. Be happy and follow your heart, and at times, reason out with your brains, too. However, the heart is much better to listen to and it does not need many reasonings.

I wish it were really that easy. *sigh*

I've just come home from church and I've had a pretty long weekend. I'm tired but I can't sleep. It's just one of those... "periods". I'm not going to say "It's just one of those days" because I have a feeling that it will last longer than a day.

My eyes kinda hurt, too. They have been running open eyelids under sunshine, rain and fluorescent lighting on three and a half hours worth of sleep.

There is a part of me now that I know has changed. For the better, and for good.

And I just want to cry this pain all away.

To Him, Because He Deserves It.

I was just reading Ismail's post in his blog on Monday, June 16, 2008. I hope he never, ever removes it. And I hope I never, ever forget it.

It reminds me of his softer, more unguarded side. Although his work commitments now kind of limit his show of affection, or the sweet little nothings he used to whisper in my ear every so often, it is so good to know and remember the kind of person he really is inside. That is the Ismail I fell in love with, and am still in love with to this day. And I sure hope to be in love with him for a very long time coming.

I love you, hunnie.

I love you very, very much.

xoxo